okay i see your submission in the inbox, and i’ll be able to crit it in a day or so

unless the other mods want a crack at it but yeah

-ven

yeah, I won’t be able to get to it till wednesday because college finals suck

-Spades

That’s perfectly fine! A description of them works just as well. uwu

-Ven

Ooooo I’ve never seen a keybarer set during the Keyblade War. probably because we know virtually nothing about it. I think it’s a decent idea. You can do your own headcanons and worldbulding!

Although, even then, you may want to reel it back in a little bit.

-Ven

fuckyeahbadkhocs:

Name: Ardelle                                                                                       

-Name meaning: Latin name meaning ‘To burn’(From the Latin verb ‘Ardere’)

Nickname(s): Delly, Delle.

Age: 16(BbS)

–Date of Birth: September 25th

Gender: Female

Species: Somebody/Human

Homeworld: Magnolia Village

Affiliation: She would claim none, but to chose one, she’d pick Light.

Romantic Interest: Ventus(She’d never admit this-also a bit one sided)

Personality: 

Ardelle appears bubbly and outgoing, she’s very passionate, determined and hates to lose(She’d rather forfeit and be a coward than lose). She is very protective of her friends, and would do anything in her power to protect them. However, she becomes jealous easily, can act bratty and is sometimes moody.

Past:

Ardelle had an average in Magnolia Village until she was 14. One day, while looking after her sister, she met a travelling Keyblade Master. She was able to see Ardelle’s strong heart and performed a Keyblade Inheritance Ceremony. Since the Keyblade Master was travelling and not taking on apprentices, she asked Master Eraqus to take her on as one, to which he agreed. After some reluctance, Ardelle left her world to train with Master Eraqus. While there, she became good friends with Terra, Aqua and Ventus. However, she always left slightly left out because they already had a strong bond(Ardelle arrives approx. one year after Ventus). And at the beginning of BbS, she’s still training with Master Eraqus, gets a Wayfinder off Aqua and watches Terra and Aqua’s Mark of Mastery Exam.

-Fate at the end of BbS: When Vanitas tells Ardelle to go the Keyblade Graveyard, she demands him to fight her there and then in her homeworld. As they fight, Ardelle realises she’s going to lose and tries to run away. She doesn’t get very far before she is defeated(and loses her heart). However, just before she is defeated, she runs past a girl from her village, she pushes her away using her Keyblade to avoid her getting hurt. This girl, Natsumi, accidently receives the Keyblade. 

Weapon: Keyblade-Twilight Blaze(Edited slightly)[Reason in past]

Fighting Style: Ardelle’s fighting is the typical ‘Jack of all trades, Master of none’. She is the weakest and least-experienced fighter among her friends. However, Ardelle has very low defense and stamina.

Since no one else looks like they are going to do this, I will try again.
(Maybe because its finals, and I ma the only one who decided to just say fuck it)

Anyway, I like the idea of her past. It is a very plausible past and makes sense. I feel like you should go into more detail about hers and Eraqus’ relationship.

I feel like he would be very hard on her because she is the least experienced and wants her to push the limits to become better.

I also like the idea how she feels like an outcast to everyone because she has not known them for as long.

The one sided romance is also a very nice idea, I think its a good idea to make Ventus feel a little strange around her; kind of uncomfortable.

Not a bad uncomfortable, but like, he knows something is up with her and he just doesn’t want to ask.

The fact that she seems useless in battle is kind of bland and boring. I know everyone tries to make their characters weak because they are afraid of making them sue-ish, but making them to weak is almost the same thing.

While she can have low strength and defenses, you could make her more agile and flexible, compensating for weakness. Otherwise I don’t believe Eraqus would let her do anything at all when it comes to training and sparring.

I would also think everyone would be afraid to hurt her because she is “weak”.

Ummm… I can’t think of anything else right now. I am not ot good at these critiques really. I prefer to critique chracter styles anyway…

Sorry, I hope you like this.

(If Spades and Ven can help me I would appreciate it)

-Amaya

I really don’t have to add anything onto it! I do like you gave her name kind of a latin thing, considering that’s the theme with the bbs trio.

Like amaya said, you shouldn’t be afraid to make a character strong. there’s a difference between a strong character and a godmoding character. and considering she’s training, she would only be improving. although being less experienced is definitely okay. she would be.

i don’t think pushing someone out of the way with the keyblade would really pass it onto them. they would have to touch it i guess?

although that doesn’t mean captain jack sparrow can use one since sora handed it to him willingly and it still came back to him, so i guess it’s different.

plus kairi was a princess of heart when she touched aqua’s keyblade, so i feel like that’s kind of a different thing. pure heart of light and all that jazz.

all in all, one of the more decent characters that can use a keyblade. nicely done.

oh and design wise? that outfit is pretty well suited to fighting. well done. although i feel like someone might grab that braid of hers. because the darkness always cheats

always

-Ven

Name: Ardelle                                                                                       

-Name meaning: Latin name meaning ‘To burn’(From the Latin verb ‘Ardere’)

Nickname(s): Delly, Delle.

Age: 16(BbS)

–Date of Birth: September 25th

Gender: Female

Species: Somebody/Human

Homeworld: Magnolia Village

Affiliation: She would claim none, but to chose one, she’d pick Light.

Romantic Interest: Ventus(She’d never admit this-also a bit one sided)

Personality: 

Ardelle appears bubbly and outgoing, she’s very passionate, determined and hates to lose(She’d rather forfeit and be a coward than lose). She is very protective of her friends, and would do anything in her power to protect them. However, she becomes jealous easily, can act bratty and is sometimes moody.

Past:

Ardelle had an average in Magnolia Village until she was 14. One day, while looking after her sister, she met a travelling Keyblade Master. She was able to see Ardelle’s strong heart and performed a Keyblade Inheritance Ceremony. Since the Keyblade Master was travelling and not taking on apprentices, she asked Master Eraqus to take her on as one, to which he agreed. After some reluctance, Ardelle left her world to train with Master Eraqus. While there, she became good friends with Terra, Aqua and Ventus. However, she always left slightly left out because they already had a strong bond(Ardelle arrives approx. one year after Ventus). And at the beginning of BbS, she’s still training with Master Eraqus, gets a Wayfinder off Aqua and watches Terra and Aqua’s Mark of Mastery Exam.

-Fate at the end of BbS: When Vanitas tells Ardelle to go the Keyblade Graveyard, she demands him to fight her there and then in her homeworld. As they fight, Ardelle realises she’s going to lose and tries to run away. She doesn’t get very far before she is defeated(and loses her heart). However, just before she is defeated, she runs past a girl from her village, she pushes her away using her Keyblade to avoid her getting hurt. This girl, Natsumi, accidently receives the Keyblade. 

Weapon: Keyblade-Twilight Blaze(Edited slightly)[Reason in past]

Fighting Style: Ardelle’s fighting is the typical ‘Jack of all trades, Master of none’. She is the weakest and least-experienced fighter among her friends. However, Ardelle has very low defense and stamina.

Since no one else looks like they are going to do this, I will try again.
(Maybe because its finals, and I ma the only one who decided to just say fuck it)

Anyway, I like the idea of her past. It is a very plausible past and makes sense. I feel like you should go into more detail about hers and Eraqus’ relationship.

I feel like he would be very hard on her because she is the least experienced and wants her to push the limits to become better.

I also like the idea how she feels like an outcast to everyone because she has not known them for as long.

The one sided romance is also a very nice idea, I think its a good idea to make Ventus feel a little strange around her; kind of uncomfortable.

Not a bad uncomfortable, but like, he knows something is up with her and he just doesn’t want to ask.

The fact that she seems useless in battle is kind of bland and boring. I know everyone tries to make their characters weak because they are afraid of making them sue-ish, but making them to weak is almost the same thing.

While she can have low strength and defenses, you could make her more agile and flexible, compensating for weakness. Otherwise I don’t believe Eraqus would let her do anything at all when it comes to training and sparring.

I would also think everyone would be afraid to hurt her because she is “weak”.

Ummm… I can’t think of anything else right now. I am not ot good at these critiques really. I prefer to critique chracter styles anyway…

Sorry, I hope you like this.

(If Spades and Ven can help me I would appreciate it)

-Amaya

We have been there, and I never EVER want to go back

-Amaya

If you are making your own mythology, that could be very beneficial to the Oc!

It makes your Oc much more interesting  I say go for it, but be careful on personality traits and such, make sure your oc is consistent ~

-Amaya

The redraw Anon here! Here’s one of the ocs I want to redraw…post/37844992282

I don’t see a problem with it!

-Ven

It all depends on what your Oc is like, where they are from, or what it is they do.

Since KH takes place in a  Disney/final fantasy universe, I’d say use any name you want that you think would fit your Ocs personality.

(Just don’t use Hikari… That is an overused name akusdhgfsd)

-Amaya